The Twelve Days of Christmas
by TheAwesomePandaChan
Summary: This is my USUK version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." On the first day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me, a burger in a happy meal.


** Dear readers, this is the TheAwesomePandaChan. This was a secret santa gift to one of my best friends, Burupya. This is dedicated to her. **

** Disclaimer: TheAwesomePandaChan does not own Hetalia or any of the characters. I don't even own the Christmas song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas." However, I do own my version of the song. **

On the first day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

a burger in a happy meal.

Arthur's pov

My name is Arthur Kirkland, my school, world Academy, has this weird tradition where we do a countdown starting from 12 days before christmas. It was some 12 day gift exchange, based on the christmas song, "the 12 days of christmas." Americans had no class. This was so demeaning to all those who celebrated hanukkah instead, or don't celebrate for anything at all for the winter season. Whatever, I wasn't planning on getting anyone from this school anything. I don't expect to get any gifts either. Even if I do, most people already know I probably won't get them anything back.

Man, those American wankers are noisy. America is full of idiots too. The biggest idiot of them all was that stupid self-proclaimed hero, Alfred F Jones. He's stupid, annoying, dumb, idiotic, foul, obnoxious, and kind of hot. I did not just think that. I did not, I did not, I did not, I did not, I did not, so don't assume things you wankers. Damn, why can't I stop thinking about that wanker. It's not like I expect some sort of gift from him or anything weird like that. I don't even want him to give me a gift, and no I am not blushing right now. wankers, stop thinking that I l-l-like that stupid wanker, stop assuming that I'm blushing, and no I did not just stutter. Where do you wankers get all these delusions.

"AAAARRRRTTTTIIIIEEEE," Alfred yelled. I don't see why he's got to yell. He was like two inches behind me. Did I mention he was an idiot.

Alfred's pov

Why does Iggy looked pissed. Man, he's hot when he's angry. Mabey, after this 12 day Christmas exchange, he'll finally realize that he needs a big strong hero like me. Your probably thinking I'm going to crash and burn. Well be-atches, heroes are irresistable. There's no way a hero like me could be an epic failure.

"You wanker, my name is Arthur, did you really have to shout, I'm going deaf because of you, and don't you have any decency or common sense to the people around you..." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I see his mouth moving, but It's like there's no words coming out of them.

"What, people love me, don't they Arthur," I smirked. Now he's blushing again. He's so cute.

"Who could love an idiot like you, you wanker. Sh-shut up." Ha, ha,ha,ha,ha, poor Arthur, it's not good to be in denial.

Arthur's pov

That idiot is so annoying. "Merry early Christmas, and is your face from McDonald's, because I'm loving it", Alfred says as he shoves something into my hands. Then that wanker just runs off to idiot land. I look at what he gave me. It turns out to be diabetes in a cheap-ass cardboard box. Only he would get someone a happy meal that doesn't make people happy. Does he really think I'm going to eat this heart attack; I don't feel like dying young. Then I think about what he said, damn you Ronald McDonald, and your death burgers too. Hey, wankers, I'm still not blushing.

On the second day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Arthur's pov

"AAAARRRRTTTTIIIIEEEE," that idiot yells from right behind me again. He's so annoying. I'm still not going to give him something, and it's not like I ate his death burgers either. So, don't think I ate it just because Alfred gave it to me, not that it matters what he gives me. Alfred was yapping on about heros or something.

Alfred's pov

He so loves me. He must have pigged out Micky D's. I know my Iggy so well. Man, I love Ronald McDonald. Todays going to be just as awesome as yesterday, since he and Tony love each other so much.

Tony's pov (somewhere probably in a different planet)

Fucking-limey-fucking-fucking-fucking-bitch.

Arthur's pov

"Merry early Christmas; are you an alien, because you've abducted my heart." Alfred says with a shit-eating grin, and then he walks away smirking. I can almost cry, because of how bad that was. I look at what he gave me and it turns out to be two little alien figurines. They look like his pet "alien." Pfft, alien, everybody knows aliens don't exist. Oh please, somebody probably went and experimented on Tony or something. Why would he give me this; I can't stand his stupid "alien." What if this is cursed? Tony never liked me anyway. That idiot couldn't read the atmosphere even if his life depended on it.

Tony's pov

Fucking-limey-fucking-fucking-fucking-limey. FUCKING...Out of no where a beam of blinding light just explodes.

On a random news forecast

"I have breaking news, Pluto has just been blown up, will Earth be next, stay tuned. It's probably those astronaut terrorists again," says a random news reporter with a talk show host voice.

On the third day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Arthur's pov

"AAAARRRRTTTTIIIIEEEE," Alfred yells. My idiot senses are tingling. Oh not again, why won't he just give up. It's not like we're a couple or anything, and I'll probably burn all the things he gives me, or i might not. You wankers will never know.

Alfred's pov

I got an amazing idea for a gift, from my whale friend, Whaley.

Whaley's pov (Whaley lives in Alfred's bath tub)

Blub-blub-blub-blub-blub-blub... The bath tub breaks. BBBBLLLLUUUUBBBB.

Arthur's pov

Alfreds been following me around since the gift exchange, it's like he expects me to give him something. Even now, he's talking like he wants to suggest something.

"Hey Artie, just you watch I'm going to get you to give me something back one of these days. Merry early Christmas, If you were a fish tank, I'd tap that." I feel like he's just getting worse at pick up lines. He hands me something and runs off. He said something about getting a phone call from his neighbor about his whale. His gift turns out to be three whale figurines that keep singing blub-blub-blub. There kind of cute, and no I did not just say that. Man, you wankers are hearing things.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

four crows shrieking,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Arthur's pov

I'm pretty used to the wanker giving me gifts now, but that still doesn't mean I'm going to give him something back. Okay on cue now. 3-2-1-now.

"AAAARRRRTTTTIIIIEEEE," Alfred yells. He's so predictable. I got you something. Wow, well that surprises me. The wonders of sarcasm. "Merry early Christmas, Are you a bird collector? Cause you've got a nice set of hooters." Yup he's definitely getting worse. All of a sudden he opens up the cage he brought, and four pissed off crows come out. Alfred looks surprised. The idiot messed up again, didn't he. Well, he isn't the brightest crayon in crayola.

Alfred's pov

They were supposed to be doves. D-O-V-E-S. Doves are romantic. Crows are not romantic. Man, the crows look pissed. CAW CAW CAW.

Crow's pov

These people take me from my home, shove me into a cage with strangers, make me ride on a cheap-ass UPS truck. CAW CAW CAW. The crows all ready to attack, hit a pole.

Arthur's pov

"Arthur, I'm sorry I failed. they were supposed to be doves. I can't help it anymore.

"Hahahahahahahahaha." Alfred looks at me weird, then smiles, and starts laughing too. That was too funny. Next thing you know we look like flushed weirdos.

Alfred's pov

Arthur's super cute in any mood he's in, but I think I like him best happy. I really love him. I'm still going to call UPS, and get a refund, and mabey kick their ass.

Random UPS guy's pov

Mommy, he says tear faced. That night the UPS guy wet the bed, and he now had an irrational fear of burgers.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

five candy rings

four crows shrieking,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Arthur's pov

Out of no where, I felt all the air knocked out of my lungs. Alfred tackled me to the floor. That jackass has no regard for personal space.

Alfred's pov

I'm just trying out new things. I don't want my Iggy to be bored of me, not that it would ever happen. Remember, heroes are irresistible.

"Hey, Iggy for today's gift I'm going to say did you have 'Lucky Charms' for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!" He's so cute when he blushes.

"Sh-shut up w-w-wanker," He's cute when he stutters too.

Arthur's pov

He gave me five candy rings. I have no idea whether to eat them or wear them. You can never tell with an idiot's brain. Whatever, I'll eat them.

Candy ring's pov

NOOOOOOOOO, the candy ring said, as he watched his brothers and sisters be eaten. I told Kenny not to go into the box, that it'd blind him, but he didn't listen. No, Kenny never listens. So, I followed him to make sure he was safe, B ut the light was too bright. Next thing you know, we're at this candy shop, and I watch my family getting eaten one by one by gluttonous fatasses from all over the world. Now, it is my time to be eaten, mabey I'll see my brothers and sister again. I see the light. But I don't wanna... The candy ring gets shoved into Arthur's mouth. CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

six ghosts a-wailing,

five candy rings,

four crows shrieking,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Arthur's pov

Today, the idiot asked me to come over to his house. He said it had something to do with his present. I finally made it to his house. I wonder what was so important that I had to go to his house?

Alfred's pov

The door had just rung, and I knew it was Iggy. He's so cute. I answered the door, and immediately pressed him to me in a hug, with his head against my chest.

"wh-what are you d-doing," he said while blushing and stuttering, like some cute school girl.

"Nothing," I pull back with a sly smile on my face.

"Artie, we're going to watch six Christmas ghost stories," Alfred said nonchalantly.

"No way, you can't bloody handle it," Arthur answered.

"What, nothing can scare a hero."

Arthur's pov (during the sixth Christmas movie: Christmas carol)

Alfred has basically lost it now. I keep suggesting to do something else, but he forces himself to watch them. Right now, he was covered in a blanket, shaking, and was in complete hysteria.

"Artie, did you see that, the ghost of christmas past is going to kill him, no all three ghosts are going to kill him three times. Then they're going to come and kill us, because of all the bad things we've ever done. Like that time when I broke my brother's crayon, and then..."

"Alfred, they're not real, they won't kill us," I said in a soothing voice. We finished the movie and he was practically traumatized.

"Artie, stay over, I can't sleep, not that I'm scared." he looked like a wreck.

"Sure, I guess I could stay over." then he smiled and pinned me down on his couch. He was getting closer. What was he... He kissed my forehead.

"Would this be the wrong thing to say right now. Boy, you look like a ghost, you can haunt my house." Then he fell asleep with me in his choke hold. There's no way I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. Not like this, anyway.

Few hours later (no one's pov)

Arthur had his eyes wide open. tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock. Yup, he was definitely not going to get any sleep tonight.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

Seven bunnies a-flying,

six ghosts a-wailing,

five candy rings,

four crows shrieking,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Arthur's pov

Alfred strolled over to me, with a over-confident look on his face. Out of nowhere he just pulls out seven plush mint bunnies. They are so cute. I actually really like this present, but where the hell did he pull this from? I didn't see a box, a cage, or something. They just popped out of thin air, and that idiot's horrible at magic.

Alfred's pov

He so loves me. I knew he'd like the gift, dince he's always talking to his imaginary friends

flashback

I walk in on arthur, trying to ask him a question, when I see...

"Naughty captain Hook, your too old for that. Peter Pan and the neverland pirates, you stop bullying Hook now. He's not bad just lonely. Tinkerbell, don't be a bitch. Uni the unicorn, you have to say I do believe in fairies, I do." Arthur even had sparkles in the background.

Arthur's pov

"thanks," I told Alfred. This was actually very thoughtful of him.

"Hey baby, you look like you could use true love's kiss," Alfred responded. And he killed it.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

eight pirates a-sailing,

Seven bunnies a-flying,

six ghosts a-wailing,

five candy rings,

four crows shrieking,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Arthur's pov

Today, the wanker got me something amazing again. It was a bottle with a pirate ship inside it, and eight pirates standing on deck.

Flashback

"Hey Artie," look at what I got you. You know how you sometimes talk about pirates, well here you go.

"I didn't think you'd remember that," I told him.

"I'm your hero, I know everything about you."

Arthur's pov

Even he can be romantic.

"One Look At You And A Shiver Went Up Me Timber," alfred said. Yup, that ship just sank.

Random person on pirate ship's pov

That idiot kept shaking our bottle. Arrrrrgh, I swear most of bones are broken, everytime he shakes this bottle one of us hits the wall. Alfred, with no decency, shakes the bottle. Nooooooo, cries the random pirate, as his hook flys off his hand and hit someone in the eye. Then a pole falls on the pirate, and everyone assumes he's dead for a minute. But then... "This is survival of the fittest, This is do or die, This is the winner takes it all, So take it all. I am a SURVIVOR," screams the pirate.

On the nineth day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

nine burnt scones,

eight pirates a-sailing,

Seven bunnies a-flying,

six ghosts a-wailing,

five candy rings,

four crows shrieking,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Arthur's pov

Why didn't anyone want to eat my scones. they're not that bad, and that one time about Gilbert getting into a coma was a lie. He was already drunk, so he might have just passed out. It has nothing to do with me scones. People keep telling me I have no taste, but it's them that's tasteless. Alfred comes over to me.

"Hey, do you think my scones are bad," I tell him.

"Yup, there horrible," he responds

"You bloody wanker..." He takes my scones and eats them.

"But I'm all one who can eat them without getting food poisoning."

"I'm not forcing you to eat them, you jackass," I say in a pissed off tone of voice.

"Babe, don't be like that, How 'bout I cook dinner this time, and eat you for dessert." That idiot.

(Alfred a few hours later) No one's pov

Alfred vomits up everything in his stomach to the pity toilet. He looks horrible, just like when Gilbert did, when he passed out. Alfred thought he could endure it out of love, but he was wrong. Very, Very wrong. Love doesn't cancel out poison. Alfred then passes out on the bathroom floor.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

tens cups of tea,

nine burnt scones,

eight pirates a-sailing,

Seven bunnies a-flying,

six ghosts a-wailing,

five candy rings,

four crows shrieking,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Alfred's pov

I got Artie ten tea packets, because he's British like that. I think he's really starting to like my presents. Sooner or later, he's going to stop denying how much he loves me. Artie doesn't see me yet. This is a perfect chance. I tackled him to the floor. Damn, he's so cute.

Arthur's pov

"What the bloody hell," I yell. Alfred is an idiot. Why must he invade my personal space. Then I see the packets of tea he got me, and I guess he could be considerate some time.

That is until he says, "Even though I prefer coffee, I like my tea, like I like my Iggy, hot and british. And he killed the moment... Again. That boy is hopeless.

(A few hours later, when tea is made) No one's pov

Arthur was making tea, because he loves tea, but Alfred is stupid. Alfred tackled the brit again, and all the tea went flying... Onto Alfred's face.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH, MY FACE," Alfred screamed.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

eleven british soldiers,

tens cups of tea,

nine burnt scones,

eight pirates a-sailing,

Seven bunnies a-flying,

six ghosts a-wailing,

five candy rings,

four crows shrieking,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Alfred's pov

Wow, it's been a long time since I've seen these, Alfred looks at the 11 british soldiers on his storage room. Arthur gave them to me when we were childhood friends, but then I had to move. I bet Artie would love to see these again.

Arthur's pov

Alfred comes running up to me, I wonder what's wrong with him now,

"Artie, I got you something," Alfred yells. Of course he did. It turns out to be The 11 british soldiers, I gave him when we were little.

"You kept them," I say a little out of breath

"Of course," even Alfred looks a little distant.

I can't help the tears sliding down my face, this was from so long ago.

"Arthur, don't cry, I'm sorry," he says looking alarmed. He doesn't realize that they're tears of joy. Then I start laughing too, and his starts smiling again.

"Thank you, thank you so much Alfred," I say as I kiss him on the cheek. Hey wankers, just because I kissed him doesn't mean I like him

Alfred's pov

Artie kissed me. Artie kissed me. Artie kissed me. Artie kissed me. Artie kissed me. Artie kissed me. Arthur Kirkland kissed me. I'm so going to get laid.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my idiot gave to me,

twelve passionate kisses,

eleven british soldiers,

tens cups of tea,

nine burnt scones,

eight pirates a-sailing,

Seven bunnies a-flying,

six ghosts a-wailing,

five candy rings,

four crows shrieking,

three whales singing,

two aliens dancing,

and a burger in a happy meal.

Alfred's pov

Today was the day. Today, I was going to tell him. Today was going to be awesome. I see Artie, but he doesn't see me yet. So, I tackle him to the ground What can I say, I couldn't resist. Iggy is so damn cute, all ruffled and flushed like that.

"You ass, quit doing that," Arthur says.

"Arthur, I love you..." Then theres just a huge silence.

"Are you on 'Google,' because your everything I'm searching for," I say trying to make an effort.

"Artie, you there..." He probably doesn't like me back. I turn to leave, but...

"wait," Arthur yells. I look back and he's blushing so hard, you can see him a mile away.

Arthur's pov

How can he just say it, so casually.

"well," Alfred says.

"I hate how annoying you are, how that one piece of hair always sticks up. I hate the way you eat cheeseburgers all the time. I mean seriously, you're going to get bloody Diabetes! I hate how you have no regard for personal space, I hate your stupid bomber jacket, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate how you're so obnoxious. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it that your not around, and the fact you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all, I-I-I l-love you too, you idiot."

And at that moment, Alfred leaned down to press his lips to mine. He wrapped his arms around me, and he full on kissed me. We made out for like three minutes.

Then Alfred had the decency to say, "You owe me 11 more of those." We both laughed at that.

a burger in a happy meal,

two aliens dancing,

three whales singing,

four crows shrieking,

five candy rings,

six ghosts a-wailing,

seven bunnies a-flying,

eight pirates a-sailing,

nine burnt scones,

ten cups of tea,

eleven British soldiars,

and twelve passionate kisses!

** Dear readers, I hope you like this. Feel free to favorite or review. I'll even accept flamers, Because they're still reviews. **


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